I realize living is as equally as appealing as killing myself, this is not a plea for help, just what’s beneath my pelt. Wouldn’t say I’ve dealt with very much but the state is such that nothing feels like a crutch. I watch my people beaten and detained. I watch them murdered by those who are supposed to ease the pain. I am stabbed in the back and backstab the man in front of me, in an endless circle of treachery, a blended hell of devilry. 24 hour Cruella speak and I spit it cause I listen to hissing in the distance, it changes my smile to a grimace. Try not to sink with it, in the deepest hues of the depths, my calumet was snapped in half when I returned from the far west. I’m impressed by the ultra-marathoners who keep going, I’ve grabbed a knife too many times in the hope it’ll end this showing of a post-apocalypse. I believe we’re already here. My greatest fears have been met by a man mentioned by the seers. I can’t take it. I guess this is what it feels like to give up. To not give a fuck about life, family, or the dopamine re-up. I’ve tried to walk a path to be proud of but I’ve ended in a swamp where every skeleton buried has found love. If and when the time comes, just know that I’m sorry for not being able to push through one more night sparring with this haunt in my consciousness, he keeps me gaunt, I wanna speak of my flawlessness, but I cannot… Quill inked. Second entry in my journal, a verdant, virgin look as my vessel starts to curdle. From primordial to Voyager, boyish dreams and memorials, fighting through the crawl, noting balls of steel tutorials. Honest assessment, no censorship ingested. Testament to the essence the algorithm reflected. I don achromic placidity, I’ll turn it down from beast when the sun rises in the west and sets in the east. Venomous priest. Assembled the divvied up minutemen feast. Pump the heat. Sucking a lemon in the moment of innocent grief. Pull up a seat. The finishing move is that of a thief. One second your gritting your teeth, all of a sudden verdict’s defeat. Send ‘em off with “Abiyoyo!” (Zoop!) Encumbered recluse on the town in a zoot suit. The brutal truth is I was made anachronistic to beta test an ancient fiction in a blissful existence. Admissible instance. Strip varnish from the coffin like perforated looseleaf edges discarded often. Who needs a skull key when miner minds cluster? All-age busker, home to rap crop duster. Temple flesh ruptures when the buzzards flock to remakes. Clubbed to death anthems and push play DJs. Like a graveyard production, all eyes on the lunatic, spoon-fed Squibs squabbling over glue sticks. Once around the block. Hundred yard dash thought process. Same feeling pitching legislation to Congress. If I’m being honest, we got our hands up for scarecrows, shooed away intelligence still ended up with sparrows. And now I’ve got a taste for the hunt. Can’t stop till the war is won. I’m a shark in open water and I’m smelling blood. Pick up the path and they’re on the run. Heart beats in a hollow drum. Hear a falling chest heave heavy. It’s a fickle way the web is spun so keep ‘em off our backs while we dismantle the levee. Whittle at the splinters. Spit ‘em up at last supper, finger jabbing at crooked cops and train buffers. Suffer the uppity angst of meddlesome monogamous conscious. Planting carbon offsets won’t throttle the harvest. The sharpest tool in the box isn’t always the leader it certainly ain’t the dullest and I definitely ain’t a teacher. Just a speaker from the dirty south with a sailor’s mouth trying to articulate exactly what I’m about. When my time runs numb, the monument’s heavy, and the enemy outnumbers me by many, I can honestly say these songs have been my confidant. I wanna speak of my flawlessness, but I cannot…

Morning struggles. I lift the sun by its bootstraps. Hubble finger-wrapped like a face-hugger do-rag. Boom bap mixed with doom rap for breakfast, stretch out the wretched melancholia and scribble a setlist. A spirit for death wish, heroes and heavens, shoulder to shoulder on the bookshelf. Not self help, just a hope that there’s something else. This chamber is my ship and it’s got some miles on it, I explored deep space with a loosie and a warm gin and tonic. Pock marked basalt and churning chunks of Alderaan tumble by cockpit windows off to a summer home in limbo. Soundtrack of Nauraushaun and Holy Smokes, covertly blazing near the sharks when we’re clearly just the minnows. Kendo on the graveyard, magic eye loops, shadow puppet playground hallucinations on the stoop. Stay loose. Play up the shrugging, side stitched caboose. Automaton LARPers collate booze and forbidden fruit. Please let me drift out. Passed interstellar. I’m trying to outrun garish ghouls up the stairs from the cellar. A storyteller to the woodgrain face in the wall, a pallbearer for thoughts that might mean nothing at all.

I hit “Y”, unequip my muffler. Coming across as sus as I can possibly muster. Nursing a bourbon, purportedly watching a sermon by the germs that murmur under the knife of a surgeon. Blood pumping a flush to my jawline, I’m an imaginary surface fault line. Declining avarice during liver tests - just another workday at the salt mines. Lightning rides, dart tourney, cig in the mouth of a monkey. Asbestos and resin stalactites, this ain’t a dive, it’s spelunking. Defunct junkie placard collecting tar exhalation layers. Flaying does nothing to reveal fresher flavors. Flesh savored the fumes that spew from elated exogorths. Sated by torrential downpours and talks with tech support. When the true stupor comes watery shadows percolate. Solemnly swear to tadpoles they lassoed their orbit straight. Korben riding shotgun as an ensuite stabilizer, a guide providing a disguise to on-street data miners. Chugging agua. A breath of fresh air. They’re off their rockers, finishing off the dog’s hair. This is when I think. I need a valley to myself. I wanna disappear for days in mother nature’s wealth. I wanna mystify the ways I’ve treated other peoples health. I wanna simplify my space and reject the cards dealt. I’ve been an actor in a show that can only end ugly. I’ve been avoiding ballet and only trusting in playing rugby. Got a mouth full of brambles but I hope that you can trust me. Got a house of cards in shambles and my hammer is rusty. Got a heat sensor center but I’ll admit that it’s dusty. Gotta keep the hatches battened for when the winds blow gusty. I just wanna get lost in a wooded winter twilight. We chopped it down so we could spy further. I just wanna watch a star die when the time’s right. We got a crow that’s abandoned the murder. So inform me. Divorce me. Ships will still sail if the night is stormy.

Guard sparks the alarm. I warn against discretion, if the guillotine is dropping I just wanna void my presence. GPS the heavens. Scenic route is blemished, what happened to the flora ‘supposed to steer me to the finish? Thought I’d reach peak elevation with my nose in the pages, countless late nights speaking confused language. It’s not glossolalia and it’s adapting to the minutia integrated during white water rafting. Stretch on and on with no stopping, gotta brave crossfire while others are dropping. Lot of days I’m dog-tired and the clock is slogging. Logged 24 years and my brain is throbbing. Sick of groveling in front of a paper weight, celebrating Labor Day like the Industrial Revolution was a major gain. In my mind, it was nothing but the play that fucking shaped the grave. But here we are, in the calm before the anarchy but it’s canines in party hats all day in a hammock-ed tree. Political lanyard gets rocks off on pandering. Slandering the manner of the hoss in the tannery. Stripped. No more run of the mill advents. Brought scythes to a thresher fight and pikes to the Sabbath. Minored in scribing lifeline cyphers, Macgyvering escape with a smile and a fiver. Library nightmares, REM spent shook. Final deal with the devil sealed with a holy book. What it took was a harsh look at inabilities to restrain an inner enemy smitten with villainy. Middle finger energy. Kibble in the tank. Do loose lips sink ships if they already sank? Fuck fakery for a motto’s sake. I’ll pull a Marlo - “No hands, ma!” Flee the scene. Food chains automate. Lotto for a no-going-back, stacked odds, flat-out, high octane odyssey. Give ‘em a hip shot, pick locks, dim mak, grim one-stop-shop, tip-top notch belly flop honesty. I’m just fading from the revelry. But there was never any settling. En garde from anonymity. I’ll dig the mass grave for chivalry.

Danger aggregate. Magnet clasped cinematic. Rapture gasp replicated thin agates. Application of famished pen pal habits. Segregation of shark cage and absent planets. Crane fan sliced the air in a spare wave aimed at the face Ghost prefixed with the term 'grace'. Baste the guilt. Taste till you're filled. Though it wasn't my intention I feel like a shill. Kill that brandy warmth. Mill that fancy thorn. Antsy ill in a bill for radiation porn. I was sworn by my white and red cells, spellcheck vexed. Act like a bat spat back out of hell. Lurked in the shell. Optometrist promising hominid dominance. Honest or prominent? Calumet couldn't put enough pressure on this laceration to avoid an Ol' Faithful demonstration. Whole plateful for the patient trying to kick gluttony in the teeth enough times that it's sputtering. Game over. For slow pokes and tokers. Eradicate cockroaches. Focal point super soaker. “Oh no"-er rowing toward a rocky reef and I’m handcuffed in the brig with no keys. Admittedly I helped input the coordinates. Ignored the barometer and the sun up/down ordinance. But for the first time in recent memory I’m rendered a faulty fire hydrant on a winter blathering bender. Offender once chary of this gender so all was well and good with hood up and head down as much as I could. Then there was MUFON leak of the strangest nature. Hot brow, flush neck, heart of speed racer. Need chasers? No, I’m the demon slayer. But I’m horrified my hand could wield such an eager saber. Tease betrayer. Two loose betas. Fatal stupidity of seventeen-year cicadas. Displayed data with cobra milk flavors to at least stay on the side of the line of the coal caver. She wants a waiver, he wants a betrothal. He's studying navigation, she's off to be a mogul. Said it can't be mobile, that telephone was never amity but we can keep the submarine interstate for your sanity. I amicably handled janitorial duties. The shrewd booed dually when the sleuth acted lewdly. He spewed mewlings and vector defected and it wasn't my choice as to the position of the elective. Emitting speech I preached alongside a siege of Crayolas. Tip meekest links to keep from being cast the heyoka. I’m just a jury-rigged life form, barely warm and offbeat. Sorry, I’ll look both ways before I cross streets.

Stayed up late to beat the early birds, and got the seconds and thirds. Assuring mutual destruction through my sixth term. I plotted a narrow course out with a glowing scimitar, held to the stormclouds, torn mouth against the minotaur. Darling, I’m still a fuck-up in my salad days, paving playful fables, Green Gables mixed with ad malaise. Class of patriotic fodder for the motorcade, paid you origami dollars but you holler “no-knock raid!” Assimilate or break. Fucking poor man’s Ishi. Think we’re living great till we’re the top of their sashimi. Black hood beanie. No opt-out box to check. But to defect is to attract the Predator death. So I’m at a standstill. Frozen in a gut-wrenching moment. Medusa stare eye contest gets the flotsam flowing. North winds blowing. Rorschach growing. I’ma hug a foxhole when they reap what they’re sowing. I come straight primal, with a low-fi regiment, blended up the plaster passed it back with the medicine. Giddy for erasers to race laps around the quagmire, trap the circus in the circle. Murky herbal satire. Filter adopted a sock but carrion eaters cough up shit, softball kit’s writtens are like a pig on a spit. Teeth truly grit. Flipped a single digit. Original. As if offense was taken so that’s the point that’s integral. Amendable trembles. Stem pity from a dark place. Carcass shakes, placated by tardy carnal aches. Marble case for my madness, neglected on a museum shelf. Musing to myself as the walls slowly melt. Enthralled by the shining belt, skin prickles from the crucifix, lucid mix of putrid pits and (oops) super loup garou fits. I’ma dip. Fuck a hollow moon gala. Travel to Earth’s ends to reach the gates of Valhalla.